I have so many travels to catch up on, but first I must share an interesting incident that occurred this weekend.
We just returned from our fantastic US visit last Monday. On Friday, my younger son who will be turning 9 soon, was invited to a friend's house for a sleepover. This is a very good school friend of his, who is German and has been living here in Switz for 4 years, and will be returning to Germany soon with his family. We adore his family; they are so warm, immensely friendly, loving, chatty, and jovial. T has slept over there before and was eager to do so again, especially with his friend leaving for good imminently.
I dropped him off, and returned home to get ready to go out to dinner with my hubby's good friend & family who also live here in Switz. I hadn't mentioned to T that we would be heading out to dinner....in the same town he was sleeping over at....because I didn't want him to be conflicted. I wanted to ensure he spent time with his friend before he moves away and there will be plenty of opportunities to spend with my hubby's friends in Switz.
Allow me to provide a bit more of the background: I had just returned from the US where in the same week- Casey Anthony had just been acquitted of murdering her child, a unimaginable tragedy occurred in Brooklyn when someone abducted and killed an 8 y/o boy in a most horrific way, and my People magazine arrived with Jaycee Dugard on the cover. Needless to say, I had been keeping my babies extra close to me with a heightened awareness of danger ....
Three hours after dropping off T, my older 2 kids and I drove to meet the friends and hubby at the restaurant for dinner. As I was driving thru this bustling town, I spot T and his friend standing at the curb in the shopping area, preparing to cross this fairly busy street. My mind was momentarily confused...bewildered really, as I slowed down to a stop in front of them. I could hardly believe my eyes....2 8 year olds shopping alone?! I rolled to a stop in this 2 lane street, with many cars making their way around me as there was no shoulder and my car literally fills half the road. I was a jumble of emotions - confused, disoriented, bewildered that I would come upon him at this very moment he was about to cross this street, somewhat proud/excited to see my boy being so independent, grateful that I see that they are ok, but predominently - absolutely- terrified that my boy is out in the middle of the European market area without a protective adult. I was confused...was this really happening? I was scanning the passerbys for anyone looking familiar who might be escorting them, and for anyone appearing dangerous...single men...old men.... I had a dozen questions reeling thru my mind, "do the parents know that they are out and about alone?" " how far is it back to the boy's house?" "had anyone tried to call me to check and see if this was alright?" "should I stop them" "what would ensue if I brought them back to the mother?" "is this ok? "is it not ok" "why? what should I be thinking about this?" "what would those American mothers do who I just mentioned?" Then, I was wonderedwhether T was going to ask where we were going and I felt bad not bringing him to dinner with us.
I managed to swallow my fears, as tears welled in my eyes, and I rolled down the window, continuing to scan the few passersby. "Hey! Hi guys! What are you doing out here?" They were SO cute standing there at the curb and smiled big grins and proudly held up a produce bag full of lemons. "We bought lemons at the store and are going to make lemonade!" "Oh, Wow! that's great!!" I said with exclamations, although my heart felt like this ????????????? : ( I hated being in this predicament! Although, I was probably the only one in the world feeling these pangs.
I quickly assessed the situation: I calculated that the boy's house was just a couple blocks away, this is Switzerland with an amazing low crime rate, with very few personal crimes and child abductions are virtually unheard of here. They were so proud, and I must admit, I could have burst into tears, but really wanted him to have this experience, of feeling proud, safe and confident, and having independence. I was so conflicted, and I was really trying not to freak out.... my mind was quickly assessing the danger. Is it me? Is he safe? Is Switzerland really as safe as they say? They got here alright, they've already bought the lemons, and walked a few blocks from the store, and were quite close to the boy's house. Then T said, "Can you drive us back to his house?" I don't exactly know why but I said," I think you can walk it..." because I wanted it to be true so much. Did I really say that ? Then with a million "I love yous" and "have fun!!," he and his friend continued on their way and we on ours.
I must say that I felt horrible, and guilty and wondered if I would regret this, yet also thankful and excited as I drove away. My emotions were quickly distracted by the traffic and finding parking for this restaurant. I immediately shared this bizarre incident with our friends at the restaurant, who are Americans and have lived in Switz for many years and they fully reassured me that this situation is fine. They reminded me that Switzerland is safe and the kids navigate the towns unsupervised all day long, every day. I know....just not my baby.
So, herein lies the cultural conflict. In the US, we have to protect our children....and oftentimes that can not be enough. Danger seems to lurk everywhere. Here in Switz, like most of Europe, the children are groomed to be physically independent at a much younger age. It is common for children to walk themselves to school alone starting at age 4. It is very uncommon for parents to accompany their children around town, and never to school. Children are routinely out and about without adults once they are at school age. Still, I never expected my child to be thrust into this situation. He's had some Stranger Danger training, but I hadn't reviewed it with him in awhile because, being an American, he's never out and about without me or another adult or his teenage bro.
Later that eve, as I was still bewildered by this event, I related this situation to my SIL via Skype. She is the mom of 2 babies, but is a MS teacher. She was as astonished as me, and asked whether I will bring it up with the mom. When I asked my hubby he said that we really shouldn't bring it up .....this is Europe. This is truly their culture....the kids are free and independent here. We can not impart our American worries in a place where it hardly exists. I thought about it and perhaps it would be like a Cuban asking if we should hide from Castro while in Chicago. It would sound bizarre and out of context, as it is such a remote connection that it seems to be non-existent. It is an apples and oranges scenario....we are dealing with two entirely different incongruent environments that we can not compare them evenly.
I don't like living fearfully and will admit that is something I never liked about raising kids in the US in the 2000s. We have always lived in very nice, immensely safe areas, but somehow I never felt completely safe letting my kids roam out of sight.....sadly.
I love how I grew up, like many of you, in the pre1980s, when kids played with neighborhood kids unsupervised, would play impromptu games of ring-o-levio until the streetlights came on, and baseball in the schoolyard all summer long without having it organized by adults who sign legal waivers to play, everyone just knew what was a strike and what was a ball without the benefit of an umpire or instant replay. I remember walking 5 blocks frequently, at a young age....8?... to the grocery store, for my mom, to buy bread and milk, walking to the public library, and biking to the public pool with just my friends without parental supervision. I guess I can think of Switzerland as being like the US in the 1970s, (albeit without the neighborhood friends since we are ex-pats surrounded by Swiss).
So, the next day I picked up T. I told the parents how surprising it was to run into the boys in the marketplace. They expressed surprise themselves, saying,"Oh, they didn't tell us." Apparently, it wasn't as big a deal to my sheltered American boy as it was to me. Then they proudly showed me their handmade Lemonade sign "Lemonade klein 1 chf gross 1.50 chf" (Lemonade small 1 franc, large 1.50 franc) Then they proceeded to tell me how the little produce bad broke on the way home, and they laughed as they told me how the lemons rolled down the sidestreet and they chased and caught them and had to put them in their pockets for the rest of the walk....they were laughing and I was grateful.
I think this was one of those situations that my precious boy and I will remember forever, but for entirely two different reasons.
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